Tourist Trap (1979)

I love old roadside attractions, which we have a few of here in Oregon.  From the Enchanted Forest to the Prehistoric Gardens, from the Wildlife Safari to the Oregon Vortex and House of Mystery, I enjoy just about anything like that.  When the House of Wax film came out in 2005, it reminded me of some of those old attractions I saw in the past.  Flash forward to earlier this year when I found out there was another film that House of Wax resembled more than the original Vincent Price film.  I'm proud to bring you that film today.  From Full Moon founder Charles Band comes: Tourist Trap!

The film starts with a young man, Woody, rolling a tire down the road in search of a service station.  Upon finally finding one, he heads in but finds everything abandoned.  Hearing a noise from the back, Woody goes to investigate.  Coming upon a spartanly decorated room with a figure laying on a cot, he hears the noise, clearly a voice, and goes to check on the figure.  Suddenly, it jerks towards him, showing itself to be a mannequin.  The door slams shut and locks suddenly, but one of the windows opens, so he approaches it, only to be rebuffed when the window slams shut, as well before he gets to it.  He backs away towards another window, only to be surprised by another mannequin crashing into that one, its head falling into the room and starting to laugh at him.  Woody then moves to another door, but this one's booby trapped as well, this time with a hideously ugly, armless, hairless mannequin laughing with a high-pitched voice.  Woody grabs a pipe laying in the room and bashes a hole in the door, reaching through to unlock it when something grabs his arm as the mannequins keep laughing, the furniture starts shaking and a cabinet starts letting fly with a bunch of bottles and a knife.  Finally, another pipe flies into his side, killing him and causing his blood to drain out.

The rest of the film follows Woody's girlfriend and three other friends as they go looking for him and decide to check out an attraction called Slausen's Lost Oasis, with the help of the owner, Mr. Slausen himself.  But is he as helpful as he seems?  The group's in for a twisted evening.

The movie was pretty good, with some interesting special effects for its time.  I still don't know how they had that stuff flying out of the cabinet and into the viewers faces.  The makeup on the film was done by Face Off judge Ve Neill, and it was done really well.  The mansion where a good bit of the action takes place is amazing, too, and all of the mannequins lining the halls and filling the rooms lend it an extremely creepy vibe.

Chuck Conners played Slausen, the museum owner who typically feels like he's both friendly and creepy at the same time.  Best known for westerns like The Rifleman and Branded, this film was one of his attempts to get away from being stereotyped.  He did a really good job here, showing his versatility.

This was definitely a good film.  While not up to par with special effects nowadays, it does still work and provide a nice, creepy vibe to it.  I give it a 4 out of 5.  Next up, we'll take a look at the movie inspired by this film but given another film's name... 2005's House of Wax, costarring Paris Hilton.  Until then, this is Red Hawk signing out!

Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933) & House of Wax (1953)

Go to some nice, warm place, and I don't mean California! - Florence in Mystery of the Wax Museum

Welcome to the Week of Wax!  A week's worth of films that center around that infamous entertainment duo, museums and wax figures.  While today I love a good wax museum, in my youth I was a bit scared of them.  There was a trip we took to Newport, Oregon that was intended for us to go through a museum called the Wax Works there.  Well, we get there at opening time and in the entryway was a mermaid sitting on a growling, animated sea dragon.  That was a bit too much for my young mind and I ended up sitting in the ticket booth while my mom and her friend went through without me.  I've since gone through the museum, and the neighboring Ripley's Believe It or Not multiple times.

So, since I sort of tripped up on my postings this week, I thought I'd do a twofer article and compare 1933's Mystery of the Wax Museum with its remake, 1953's House of Wax.  They have the same storyline, the same characters, almost, and both starred a famous actor as the genius museum owner.  This way, I can avoid repetition between articles because the two films are extremely close.

Here's the general storyline: a genius wax sculptor (Lionel Atwill in 1933, Vincent Price in 1953) has a museum which focuses more on beauty than grotesquery, with such historical figures as Joan of Arc and Marie Antoinette.  In both, he receives promising news from a possible investor, but his business partner, who's had the wax figures insured, decides to take a shortcut to riches and sets the figures on fire.  The sculptor tries to stop him, but ends up beaten unconscious and left for dead.

Later, a surprisingly alive sculptor reopens a new museum with a more grotesque bent, countered by the beauty works he's more known for.  But for some reason, his new Joan of Arc looks a little too real!

Both films feature excellent performances, especially from their lead actors.  Lionel Atwill played Ivan Igor in his film.  He was also in Doctor X (with Museum costar Fay Wray, who was better known for the original, classic King Kong), The Vampire Bat and his other well-known role, Inspector Krogh in Son of Frankenstein.  The other major part in Wax Museum was Glenda Farrell who played constantly wise-cracking reporter Florence.  I really enjoyed her jabs and jokes.  Turning to House, we have the great Vincent Price, one of my all-time favorite classic horror actors, as Professor Henry Jarrod in the role that solidified him as a great horror actor.  Other notable (or soon to be notable) actors were Charles Buchinsky (aka Charles Bronson of Death Wish fame) as Jarrod's assistant Igor, and future Addams Family star Carolyn Jones as Cathy Gray.

Both films are equally good, but the role of best is determined buy what your looking for.  If you want more of a mystery, with some great comic relief, the older film is for you.  If you want a more serious horror film, then House of Wax is your ticket.  I hereby grant both films 5 out of 5.  We're rushing through the week, so stay tuned for more!  This is Red Hawk signing out!

Altered (2006 film)

"Uglier than I remembered." - Duke

Like The Return, I went into this film with no preconceived notions over any aspect of it.  I don't even remember seeing a preview for it!  It was included in a movie 4-pack along with the previous three movies, and so I decided to work all four into the month.  With this one, I was rather pleasantly surprised.

The film opens with three friends driving through the woods.  They get out of the van and start hunting something in the forest that also seems to be hunting them.  One of the friends, Cody, gets caught in a bear trap about the same time that the creature, an alien, does the same.  Firing his harpoon gun and missing, Cody tries to reload as the alien breaks free of the bear trap and starts to charge him... falling into a pit trap.  Their quarry captured, the three friends take it to the one person who knows more than anyone about the aliens, their old friend, Wyatt.  This leads into a night of terror with the seemingly captive alien soon proving to be not so helpless.

I really enjoyed this one.  The cast worked well together, playing off each other, the alien looked properly menacing, the blood effects were good, and the film felt properly intense.  Viewers who can't handle a lot of gruesome visuals should be warned, there's a game of intestinal tug-of-war at one point that even had me wincing!

Adam Kaufman played Wyatt, the expert who'd had more involvement with the aliens previously than any of the others.  He was also on Buffy the Vampire Slayer as Parker Abrams and also on Steven Spielberg's alien abduction series Taken.  NFL player Brad William Henke played Duke, my favorite of the three who caught the alien.  He also played on Dexter and LOST.  Michael C. Williams played Otis, the more weak-willed of the trio.  He was also in The Blair Witch Project.  Joe Unger has a cameo as Mr. Towner, Cody's father.  He was also in the original A Nightmare on Elm Street (which I covered last year), Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III and Escape from New York.

The film was originally envisioned as a comic take of revenge on abducting aliens in the vein of Sam Raimi and Troma Films named Probed, but decided a horror-comedy might not sell so well.  While I'm curious how the original take would have been, I did like this one enough to give it a 5 out of 5.  And so, until next time, when we start the Week of Wax, this is Red Hawk signing out!

The Return (2006 film)

This was my first exposure to this film, barring advertisements when it first came out.  I didn't know what to expect going in, but I kept an open mind and found an interesting psychological thriller.  So, let's get into it!

The film starts with a young girl, Joanna, and her father arriving at an amusement park where her dad goes to get her some refreshments.  While he's at the stand, Joanna wanders over to a crane machine.  As she searches for a quarter, she hears a voice saying, "Sunshine."  She turns and sees a man in the shadows turning and walking towards her, causing her to scream and run, hiding under a picnic table. As the strange man's footsteps get closer, she screams for her dad again and again, finally drawing his attention.  The strange man's feet stop right next to the table, but disappear as her father arrives.

Flash ahead a number of years and Joanna's now a traveling rep for a trucking company, one of their most successful.  With a highly influential contract coming up, and a connection in the company, Joanna decides to break her own rule: to work in Texas.  While messing up a coworker's pitch for the same job, Joanna gets ready to head back home.  But what awaits her in the Lone Star State?

This movie had an extremely slow pace to it.  There was a lot of build to the climax and reveal, which was interesting, but again, I can see how that could turn a lot of people off.  The movie had a rather disappointing run on release, but that could be due to a lack of advertising.  I have a friend who would dismiss this film as boring, but in my own opinion, it worked.

The cast worked well here, with Sarah Michelle Gellar (Joanna) giving an excellent performance as the woman trying to uncover the meaning behind her visions.  She's also been in The Grudge, Scream 2, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Possession, played Robin Williams' daughter on the underrated sitcom The Crazy Ones, and played Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the TV series based on the film.

All in all, a pretty good, underrated film.  I give it a 4 out of 5.  If you're looking for a good psychological thriller with a slow build and a lot of suspense, you could do a lot worse than this one! Until next time, take care of yourselves, and this is Red Hawk signing out!

Cry_Wolf (Unrated 2005 film)

 

Could one of these be the killer?  Or are they all the prey?

It's a lying game.  The object: avoid suspicion, manipulate your friends, eliminate your enemies. - Dodger

A little late on this posting, I know, but had to do some unforeseen maintenance on my keyboard.  But, it's up and running now, so I'll be doing a twofer soon, two articles in one day.  For now, though, let's take a look at Cry_Wolf!

Sometimes it's hard for me to go into a review of a film without spoiling too much.  April Fool's Day was like that, and so is this one.  Both films also feature groups of somewhat well-off teens with alot of time on their hands.  I'll do what I can to not get too much into detail.

We start the film with a blonde, Becky, being chased through the woods at night.  She tries hiding in the shadows of the trees when her pursuer pulls out a cellphone and dials her number, causing her cell to ring and pinpoint her location.  Before the scene changes, Becky's stalker shoots her down.

We cut to a fall day as a young man, Owen, crosses a large school campus that seems to be abandoned.  Finally, he located the lovely Dodger sitting on a step.  Striking up a conversation with her, he discovers the student body's in an assembly regarding safety after Becky's disappearance.  A teacher suddenly comes through the doors and begins to question Dodger over her inattendance of the assembly when Owen speaks up for her.  After assuaging the teacher, and suddenly being swept up in the flow of students exiting the building, Owen turns to see Dodger has vanished.

That night, Dodger has Owen's roommate, Tom, bring him to the old chapel on campus for a game called Cry Wolf, where one player is the wolf and the others have to figure him (or her) out before the end.  After Owen wins, Dodger comes up with a new game the next day: create a serial killer based around Becky's death and reveal him to the school via a forwarded email.  After Dodger and Owen create the killer, Owen starts getting mysterious IMs from someone claiming to be the Wolf.  With the full moon and Halloween approaching, can Owen uncover the truth before he and his friends become wolf bait?

This film was interesting, but a bit slow in places.  The movie revels in the build to the finale, so there's very little blood or death scenes.  Some might find this fact dull and boring, but I actually did enjoy it.  Julian Morris (Owen) did a great job in the film as our protagonist.  He was also in 2009's Sorority Row remake, as well as Something Wicked, Brittany Murphy's last film.  Lindy Booth (Dodger) was really good here.  She was also in Wrong Turn, the Dawn of the Dead remake and Kick-Ass 2.  Jared Padalecki (Tom) was really good, I enjoyed his interactions with Owen.  He was also in the House of Wax remake, House of Fears, the Friday the 13th remake, and is probably best known for playing Sam Winchester on the TV series Supernatural.  Singer Jon Bon Jovi (Rich Walker, the journalism teacher) did a pretty good job, as well.  He also starred in Vampires: Los Muertos, one of the sequels to John Carpenter's Vampires.

All in all, an okay film, although one I enjoyed a little more on my first viewing.  I'm rating this one a 3 out of 5.  Tune in next time for a Sarah Michelle Gellar film that isn't The Grudge or Scream 2!  Until then, this is Red Hawk signing out!

Slither (2006 film on DVD)

I'm tellin' you, this mornin', I sensed a real change in Grant. - Starla

Welcome to the start of Happy Horrorween for 2014!  Every year, I try to round up an interesting array of well-known classic films and somewhat more obscure fare, and I think I've done a pretty good job this time, if I do say so myself.  I've got the big three at the end of the month, as usual.  I've got a Week of Wax coming up.  I've got Don't Week lined up, plus a week-long look at one of the greatest slasher films of all time, plus its sequels, a remake, and a slight permutation.  So, let's kick things off with one from 8 years ago!

The film starts with intercut scenes of a meteor falling towards Earth and a pair of police officers on speed patrol outside of Wheelsy, South Carolina.  We see the meteor crash in the woods behind the cop car, with both officers oblivious to it.  Later, after being spurned by his wife, Starla, Grant Grant picks up another woman, Brenda, at the local bar's karaoke night, and they head out to the woods.  Getting cold feet about the affair, Grant sees the meteorite and follows a trail to a strange slimy thing that, upon getting poked by Grant, shoots a needle into his chest.  Soon, Grant's eating raw meat by the pound and going through a few dangerous changes...

This film intrigued me when I first saw the ads for it.  It looked weird and did sort of remind me of 1986's Night of the Creeps.  I didn't actually get to see the film until we originally rented it on video.  With all the creepy-crawlies, I could see myself with my feet lifted onto a theater seat if I had!  The special effects were great, the make-up on Grant as his condition worsens throughout the movie is just amazing, and the CGI blended pretty well, too.

The cast worked well in this one.  Nathan Fillion (Bill Pardy) got some good one-liners as the town's chief of police who finds himself over his head in the sudden situation.  He was also in Dracula 2000, has voiced Hal Jordan in various animated DC Comics features, as well as Malcolm Reynolds in Firefly and it's movie spin-off, Serenity.  He's most recently been on ABC's Castle playing the title character there.  Elizabeth Banks (Starla Grant) did well with her southern accent here.  She had a really strong role as the monster's wife.  She was also in 2009's The Uninvited (based off of Korea's A Tale of Two Sisters), the original Spider-Man trilogy, and the Hunger Games films as Effie.  Michael Rooker (Grant Grant) plays his part to the hilt, seeming to have fun with it.  He played the title role in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (which I reviewed last year) and plays Merle Dixon on The Walking Dead, as well as portraying Sheriff Alan Pangborn in The Dark Half.

When the film came out, Slither drew a lot of comparisons to the aforementioned Night of the Creeps.  While there are certain similarities (alien slugs turning people into zombies), they aren't exactly the same.  In Night of the Creeps, the slugs reproduced inside their victims' brains, with more coming out than went in.  In Slither, the slugs are just used to link their victims to Grant's mind, making them extensions of himself.  Also, the idea of a hive mind is exclusive to Slither.

Due to some unneeded animal violence, I can't give this one a perfect score, but I did really enjoy it.  Therefore, I'm giving this film a 4 out of 5.  Tomorrow, we'll be featuring a film with Jon Bon Jovi!  Until then, this is Red Hawk signing out!

Friday (the 13th) Terror Tracks (2012 comedy song)

So, it's time to resurrect an old article type from the early days of my site.  It's Wolfgang's old creation, Terror Tracks!  And while he usually posted his TT articles on Tuesdays, it's way too fitting to bring it up today, Friday the 13th.  So sit back, relax, and I'll be bringing you a recent favorite of mine, originally posted on the FuMP on Friday, January 13th, 2012, Devo Spice's Friday (the 13th).

This is actually my second music review, my first being a small Terror Tracks article reviewing Jonathan Coulton's RE: Your Brains.  However, I've been wanting to review this one, as well as several other horror related songs from the FuMP (aka The Funny Music Project), so I figured there'd be no time like the present.  So, what do we have in store for you this time?

The song is a parody of Rebecca Black's much-reviled Friday.  The song is by Devo Spice, formerly Sudden Death, who does a rap as Jason near the end, but most of the song is sung by ShiSho, a group from Ohio.  It's from the POV of a traditional survivor girl as she makes her way through a typical Friday the 13th movie.  The supplied screams are from many of Devo Spice's fans, along with a Wilhelm thrown in for good measure.

I have to admit, I haven't heard the original it's based off of, but I do really enjoy this parody.  It does really capture the feeling of the films, in a humorous way.  ShiSho pulls off the lyrics wonderfully, and the Jason rap near the end works pretty well as an inner monologue.  I highly recommend this one!

For more information about ShiSho, including a listen to their album The Sisters, you can find them here: http://shisho.bandcamp.com/  For Devo Spice's FuMP page, you can find it here: http://www.thefump.com/artist.php?id=32

And so, for your listening pleasure, here's the song! 

And so, for now, this is Red Hawk signing out!

Jekyll & Hyde... Together Again (1982 film on DVD)

Original film poster

Will the driver of the hearse please move your vehicle away from the rear of the hospital.  It's making the patients nervous. - Hospital Announcement

One of my all-time favorite comedies finally comes to Happy Horror.  At one point, before it came to DVD, I thought about doing an ultra-detailed summary of this film, my thinking being that, since it was only available on VHS then it'd be extremely difficult to come by.  But I found out it was released to DVD, picked it up off of Amazon and am now ready to bring it to you here.

Just about everybody knows the story of Jekyll and Hyde, how a scientist devises a drug to bring out his more base, animal side, only to have said side go out of control.  This film brings the story into the modern day (well, as modern as 1982 can be!).  Dr. Daniel Jekyll is a brilliant surgeon, the best that Our Lady of Pain and Suffering can offer.  As we begin, our star is being watched over closed circuit TV by Hubert Howes, one of the richest men in the world and in desperate need of the world's first full body transplant.  Unfortunately for Mr. Howes, Jekyll takes the opportunity to announce that he's giving up surgery in order to research man's inner nature, and how to tap into man's animal instincts to promote healing, without the need for surgery.  Jekyll's boss, Dr. Carew, swears to Howes that "He'll be standing over you with a knife."

Jekyll, however, throws himself into his research, knowing that he can help more people than ever before.  However, a combination of a late night experimenting and an interesting interruption by the name of Ivy Venus leads to Jekyll distractedly pouring one concoction over another, botching his work.  Vowing to continue the next day, he lays his head on his desk and falls asleep.  His breathing draws in a drink straw into his nose, the straw ends up in the powder of his experiments, and he ends up inhaling a small quantity of it.  Jekyll immediately wakes up, notices what he did, says, "Uh-oh..." and starts convulsing, going through the initial transformation into someone - or something - else...

I saw this movie shortly after it came out, making me about 5 or 6 at the time.  A lot of its humor flew over my head then, but I still thought it was a really funny movie, and that opinion hasn't changed at all about it.  Directed by Jerry Belson, who directed Student Bodies and provided the voice for the Breather, the film does a good job of spoofing the drug culture of the time.  Working in the film is an incredibly talented group of actors.  Leading them is Mark Blankfield, playing Jekyll and Hyde, and he did a phenomenal job.  The two characters do seem absolutely different from eachother, and when Jekyll tries to overcome the effects of the drug later, it really looks like he's fighting with himself.  He was one of several actors on the short-lived Fridays, along with Michael Richards, where Blankfield played a pharmacist character similar to Jekyll.  He also played in Robin Hood: Men in Tights as Blinkin, the blind servant, and in Dracula: Dead and Loving It, as well as The Incredible Shrinking Woman.  He's such an amazing comic talent, I'm surprised he didn't make it bigger over the years.  Bess Armstrong played Jekyll's semi-spoiled fiance (and daughter of his boss, Dr. Carew), Mary.  Besides this film, she played in High Road to China and Jaws 3-D, in addition to numerous made-for-TV roles, and also playing on My So-Called Life.  Playing Dr. Knute Lanyon, plastic surgeon, is Tim Thomerson.  Most famous for the Trancers and Dollman films, he's had a memorable career, making at least one film every year for thirty years, usually more.

This film has a lot of drug humor in it, obviously.  It's a pretty funny film, and one I recommend with the highest regards.  5 out of 5.  Sorry the month of horror comedies has been such a bust, I'll get back to that world soon.  After one more review, we go into May with a build-up to the new Godzilla movie coming out May 16th.  Until then, take care and this is Red Hawk signing out!

Student Bodies (1981 film)

"I didn't do it!  I didn't do it!  I never do it!" - Toby

So, my first horror comedy review!  I came across this one a couple of years ago and picked it up on Amazon.  I had an idea to do a month of horror comedies even then, but it never came to pass, really, until now.  This film was billed as the first comedy horror film (though Young Frankenstein predates it by 7 years).  It is the first film to spoof the then-burgeoning slasher genre.  So, how does it stack up?

The film opens with a card that reads, "This motion picture is based on an actual incident.  Last year 26 horror films were released... None of them lost money."  After that, we fade in on a view of a suburban house.  After the opening credits, a caption tells us it's Halloween... accompanied by a turkey's gobble.  The screen fades out, then fades back in with "Friday the 13th".  Another fade set brings us closer to the door with "Jamie Lee Curtis's Birthday" on the screen this time.  From here, we take on the viewpoint of the killer, aka The Breather, who creeps up to the house's glass door and peeks in through the mail slot.  We switch to the babysitter, Judy, who's talking to her girlfriend, Toby, on the phone.  Toby warns her not to be irresponsible but she just laughs it off.

Finishing their talk, Judy hangs up, only for the phone to ring again.  This starts a series of phone gags that work pretty well, if go on a little long.  Her boyfriend shows up and as they head upstairs for sex, the Breather sneaks over to a rolltop desk and, after perusing a variety of weapons, picks... a paperclip.  Surely, someone's dying horrifically!

The film was interesting, to say the least.  It does successfully lampoon the slasher films of the time pretty well, with a running on-screen body count, the hidden killer who we only hear his breathing and has a preference for unorthodox weapons, not to mention a victim pool of horny teenagers who are never quite prepared.  The film also throws in more twists than M. Night Shyamalan could think of!

When I researched this film, I was surprised to find that many of the cast did not go on to other things.  Kristen Riter, who plays good girl heroine Toby, only has one other credit: the music video for the J. Geils Band song Centerfold.  Playing the Breather was head writer (uncredited due to union rules) Jerry Belson, going under the name Richard Brando.  He was also a writer on Jekyll and Hyde... Together Again, a film I'll be covering this month, as well.  Cullen G. Chambers had a minor role as blind student Charles Ray, who's introduced with his seeing eye dog driving his car.  He's also been in I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Deep Impact, and he has an uncredited role in Captain America: The Winter Soldier as Secretary of Defense.  Playing Malvert, the creepy janitor, is a double-jointed comedian who was known as The Stick.  He gave an interesting performance here, and I'd like to see what his stage act was like.

I give this film a 3 out of 5.  It could have been a bit better, but it could have been a lot worse, as well.  I just felt that it didn't deliver on all the cylinders it could've, but it was still fun to see.  Thanks for joining me for this, and I hope you enjoy all I plan on bringing you this month.  Until next time, take care, and this is Red Hawk signing out!

April Fool's Day (1986 film)

Happy April 1st, everybody!  I hope my readers didn't get pranked too badly (or do any dangerous pranks or jokes of their own).  Today, we have an article I've wanted to write for the past few years, the original 1986 film April Fool's Day.  I always thought this was something of a forgotten classic, until the 2008 remake, that is.  So, let's have a look!

The film is about a group of wealthy (barring one or two exceptions) college kids getting together for Spring Break at their friend, Muffy St. John's, house on her family's private island.  On the ferry ride over, two of the friends get into an argument, one of which gets a knife thrown into his stomach, who ends up falling off of the boat.  Several people jump in to try to help him, but it turns out to be a prank.  One of the rescuers, Buck, stays in the water to try to tie off the boat, but ends up between the boat and the pier, severely injuring him.

After Buck gets taken back to the mainland for medical attention, Muffy greets her guests and they get settled in.  The guests find various pranks and jokes set up at dinner and in their room.  The next morning, however, finds one of their number missing.  And why is Muffy acting so weird all of a sudden?

The film was an interesting exercise.  Barring the faked knifing and Buck's accident, there's very little gore to the film.  What it lacks in blood, however, it does make up for with tremendous suspense.  The acting is well-done, and the characters are believable, if somewhat hard to identify with, not having a similar background, myself.  The ending itself was somewhat controversial, but without spoilers, I can't go into it.

Deborah Foreman plays hostess Muffy well.  She handled the weird mannerisms of the character really expertly.  At one time considered a promising, up and coming actress by ShoWest, her career sort of stalled out.  She did appear in one of my all-time favorite horror films, Waxwork, as well as Lobster Man from Mars, Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat and Lunatics: A Love Story.  Her breakout role was in Valley Girl opposite a young Nicholas Cage.  Ken Olandt made his film debut here (after a number of TV roles).  His biggest movie role was in 1987's Summer School, but he went on to act in 1993's Leprechaun alongside Jennifer Aniston and Warwick Davis.  Griffin O'Neal portrays Skip, Muffy's cousin.  Son of Ryan O'Neal, he also played in Assault of the Killer Bimbos and the third Ghoulies film.  Clayton Rohner played Chaz, another of Muffy's guests.  He also starred in Destroyer (alongside the aforementioned Deborah Foreman and Anthony Perkins) and The Relic (aka the Film That Light Forgot, as I've nicknamed it).

I give this film a 3 out of 5.  It was enjoyable, much of the cast went on to bigger things, but it wasn't completely perfect.  So, now for my big April event.  Throughout the month, I'll be reviewing various horror comedies.  I may not get as many sequential days as I did in October, but I will be doing quite a bit of posting.  Take care of yourselves and this is Red Hawk signing out!

Happy Horror Classic: Valentine (2001 horror film)

So, this is a reprint of an article I wrote a few years ago.  I got the idea of renting and watching the film Valentine for an article to celebrate Valentine's Day.  I'd just seen the My Bloody Valentine remake the previous month and enjoyed it, but I didn't review movies that hadn't hit DVD yet at the time.  And so, for Valentine's Day, here's my review of 2001's Valentine!

"Roses are red, Violets are Blue, They'll need dental records to identify you." - Dorothy, reading her Valentine card

Another Valentine's Day has come and gone, and while I know this review is slightly late, I figure better late than never, eh?  At least it isn't delayed as my Halloween III review!  At any rate, I know alot of people remember My Bloody Valentine, especially with the big 3-D remake hitting theaters last month, but I'm not too sure many people remember this little flick.  It came out in early 2001, directed by Jamie Blanks, who also directed the original Urban Legend.  Since we like to bring some of the rarer movies to the reading public, here's my review of Valentine!

We open on a school dance with a bunch of junior high kids, focusing on one boy, Jeremy.  He approaches various girls to dance, yet they all turn him down (usually extremely rudely because of his less-than-attractive looks).  The nicest of the girls he asks is Kate, who just tells him "Maybe later".  The last he approaches is Dorothy, a larger girl who's sitting by herself on the bleachers who accepts.  Later, they show Jeremy and Dorothy making out under the bleachers when a group of boys climb up them and start making comments, calling Dorothy and Jeremy "Buffalo" and "Pervert" respectively.  The boys dump a punchbowl over Jeremy and start ripping his clothes off.  The last images we see of this scene are Jeremy, cowering in the middle of the gym with a bloody nose as the kids look on (including one in a cherub mask).

We flash ahead to the present day, where one of the girls who turned Jeremy down, Shelley, is on a date with a boorish idiot named Jason.  Jason talks about human reproduction (specifically how it relates to he and Shelley) and impresses her by splitting up the bill (and referring to himself in the third person repeatedly).  At the end of the date, Shelley just walks away after he asks for a kiss.  Later, we see her driving up to the medical school she's attending for some late-night studying.  While she's about to dissect her cadaver, she hears a sound and runs into another student near the lockers.  She also finds a strange Valentine with a sinister message to it.

Heading back to the lab, she starts to put her knife to the cadaver's abdomen when it suddenly draws a deep breath.  Shelley reacts, jumping back to the wall by the door (and being surprised by her actual cadaver appearing behind the door).  Shelley takes off running, being chased by a cloaked figure, eventually hiding in the morgue.  The killer, finally revealed to be a tall person in a Candyman-style coat and cherub mask, enters the morgue and sees several bodies inside body bags.  The first two, the killer unzips, but then loses patience and starts stabbing each bag violently, except the last one.  On the last one, the killer unzips it and grabs Shelley, cutting her throat in the process...

I really enjoyed this film.  Sure, it's a bit formulaic in places, but really, that's what made the original slasher films so successful.  It looked to me like they had alot of fun filming it, which is always more fun for me to watch.  They also put alot of work into it, which also really shows through.

Cast-wise, there are alot of somewhat big names that stand out.  Playing adult Paige Prescott is Denise Richards, the ex-Mrs. Charlie Sheen.  Besides being known for that, she's also been in Scary Movie 3 (playing Charlie Sheen's wife in the Signs-inspired scenes), Starship Troopers, the lead role in Tammy and the T-Rex, and National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1.  Playing Alex, adult Kate's boyfriend, is David Boreanaz of Buffy and Angel fame.  Besides his role as Angel, he's also been in Justice League: The New Frontier as the voice of Green Lantern Hal Jordan, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, and as the voice of Squall Leonhart/Leon in the first Disney/Squaresoft mashup Kingdom Hearts.  In our starring role as adult Kate is Marley Shelton.  Besides playing Dr. Dakota Block in the Planet Terror segment of Grindhouse, a bit part at the beginning of Sin City, and the role of Victoria Winters in the attempted 2004 revival of Dark Shadows, you can find her playing Dr. Jacob Hood's bodyguard/co-worker Rachel Young on CBS's series Eleventh Hour (one of my favorite new shows this season).  Lastly, the part of Ruthie, an abrasive, spurned woman with a grudge against Dorothy's current beau, was played by Hedy Burress.  Mostly known for voicework roles nowadays, I was surprised to find out that she voices the summoner Yuna in both the Final Fantasy X games and the Kingdom Hearts II game.

All in all, I score this one a 4 out of 5.  It was a good movie, and definitely fits in with the typical slasher films that popped up in the late 1990s/early 2000s.  If this kind of slasher film is your cup of tea then I can definitely recommend it to you.  And so, until next time, take care of yourselves, and this is Red Hawk signing out!