"Roses are red, Violets are Blue, They'll need dental records to identify you." - Dorothy, reading her Valentine card
Another Valentine's Day has come and gone, and while I know this review is slightly late, I figure better late than never, eh? At least it isn't delayed as my Halloween III review! At any rate, I know alot of people remember My Bloody Valentine, especially with the big 3-D remake hitting theaters last month, but I'm not too sure many people remember this little flick. It came out in early 2001, directed by Jamie Blanks, who also directed the original Urban Legend. Since we like to bring some of the rarer movies to the reading public, here's my review of Valentine!
We open on a school dance with a bunch of junior high kids, focusing on one boy, Jeremy. He approaches various girls to dance, yet they all turn him down (usually extremely rudely because of his less-than-attractive looks). The nicest of the girls he asks is Kate, who just tells him "Maybe later". The last he approaches is Dorothy, a larger girl who's sitting by herself on the bleachers who accepts. Later, they show Jeremy and Dorothy making out under the bleachers when a group of boys climb up them and start making comments, calling Dorothy and Jeremy "Buffalo" and "Pervert" respectively. The boys dump a punchbowl over Jeremy and start ripping his clothes off. The last images we see of this scene are Jeremy, cowering in the middle of the gym with a bloody nose as the kids look on (including one in a cherub mask).
We flash ahead to the present day, where one of the girls who turned Jeremy down, Shelley, is on a date with a boorish idiot named Jason. Jason talks about human reproduction (specifically how it relates to he and Shelley) and impresses her by splitting up the bill (and referring to himself in the third person repeatedly). At the end of the date, Shelley just walks away after he asks for a kiss. Later, we see her driving up to the medical school she's attending for some late-night studying. While she's about to dissect her cadaver, she hears a sound and runs into another student near the lockers. She also finds a strange Valentine with a sinister message to it.
Heading back to the lab, she starts to put her knife to the cadaver's abdomen when it suddenly draws a deep breath. Shelley reacts, jumping back to the wall by the door (and being surprised by her actual cadaver appearing behind the door). Shelley takes off running, being chased by a cloaked figure, eventually hiding in the morgue. The killer, finally revealed to be a tall person in a Candyman-style coat and cherub mask, enters the morgue and sees several bodies inside body bags. The first two, the killer unzips, but then loses patience and starts stabbing each bag violently, except the last one. On the last one, the killer unzips it and grabs Shelley, cutting her throat in the process...
I really enjoyed this film. Sure, it's a bit formulaic in places, but really, that's what made the original slasher films so successful. It looked to me like they had alot of fun filming it, which is always more fun for me to watch. They also put alot of work into it, which also really shows through.
Cast-wise, there are alot of somewhat big names that stand out. Playing adult Paige Prescott is Denise Richards, the ex-Mrs. Charlie Sheen. Besides being known for that, she's also been in Scary Movie 3 (playing Charlie Sheen's wife in the Signs-inspired scenes), Starship Troopers, the lead role in Tammy and the T-Rex, and National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1. Playing Alex, adult Kate's boyfriend, is David Boreanaz of Buffy and Angel fame. Besides his role as Angel, he's also been in Justice League: The New Frontier as the voice of Green Lantern Hal Jordan, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, and as the voice of Squall Leonhart/Leon in the first Disney/Squaresoft mashup Kingdom Hearts. In our starring role as adult Kate is Marley Shelton. Besides playing Dr. Dakota Block in the Planet Terror segment of Grindhouse, a bit part at the beginning of Sin City, and the role of Victoria Winters in the attempted 2004 revival of Dark Shadows, you can find her playing Dr. Jacob Hood's bodyguard/co-worker Rachel Young on CBS's series Eleventh Hour (one of my favorite new shows this season). Lastly, the part of Ruthie, an abrasive, spurned woman with a grudge against Dorothy's current beau, was played by Hedy Burress. Mostly known for voicework roles nowadays, I was surprised to find out that she voices the summoner Yuna in both the Final Fantasy X games and the Kingdom Hearts II game.
All in all, I score this one a 4 out of 5. It was a good movie, and definitely fits in with the typical slasher films that popped up in the late 1990s/early 2000s. If this kind of slasher film is your cup of tea then I can definitely recommend it to you. And so, until next time, take care of yourselves, and this is Red Hawk signing out!
